Manila, Philippines. Mad city. Madness to the max. Madness Manila. This ‘city’ dehumanizes most of its people. It’s a sad scene. Going back and forth, traveling from city to city, reality becomes visual and real. The smells, the looks on people’s faces and how the sound changes throughout this place. Where I stand doesn’t even matter anymore, all you can see and think about are those people. It’s beyond imaginable, and I can only fill in for myself how the structure and built of this city truly affect its people. But I’ll never truly know for sure. I’m merely a passenger, I pass by, I see, I hear and I smell. Knowing I will never know.
Whoever has the gold makes the rule.
(Yes, Alladin wisdom)
Maybe it’s better to dream?
I miss being surrounded by nature, monks, temples, Khmer ppl., and so much more. Cambodia truly reflects beauty and kindness. Even tho I was alone there, it felt good to be there. Only thing for my own peace of mind, was the fact that I didn’t have a purpose to be there. Plus I had already seen many of the temples, so didn’t feel like visiting them by myself. I want to save that for the time that I will come back.
I’m glad I went there, it opened up my eyes about myself and how I manage to trick my brain into romanizing a place. For now, Siem Reap is just a place, but my true love lies with the center. When visiting I felt completely at home!
Love visiting the temples the past few days! There too many to visit in a lifetime, guess I’ll need to come back more often in the future ;-)
#sick and alone
Here I am in the land of my dreams! Feeling sick, left out, isolated, weak and alone. There isn’t really a legit reason I came here in the first place, other than having the time and freedom to do so. Well it is my greatest intention to visit the centre again. Due to holiday festivities it is closed ‘till Wednesday. The experience of Siem Reap has been a totally different one compared to last year. And with not feeling good I can’t help but to feel stupid for going here without a legit reason to. For now, I almost can’t believe to say this, but it simply is the way I feel right now, is that I can’t wait to leave! Being sick in a country with bad medical care just isn’t a very comforting thought, above that I’m traveling alone which makes the burden heavier when having someone there. I do still love this country and its people. I just wish I was feeling stronger and that I didn’t get sick.
Truly sucks tho, but I’m glad to have given it a try. But for now getting better is all I can think about.
Life goes on in the mids of all despair.
why i never gain a pound; I think (too much).
Just me, no one else.
Now I can finally say, with comfort and enthusiasm, that I can’t wait to leave! Being fearful of the unknown is part of being me. I believe it to be a natural feel to fear before you enjoy. Maybe it’s not, I don’t know, but it’s something that makes life real.
I can’t wait to get out of this ‘world’ of mine, each minute I stay here I turn into some aimless materialistic vulture. I don’t like it. I want to go to the place where I’m not constantly bombed at by ‘great deals’, the latest of shit, and others thinking about the next thing to buy. It’s really annoying and doesn’t speak to my soul. Eventho I’m guilty of being involved, it’s not something that raises my pride. Can’t wait to be surrounded by sound, beautiful light, beautiful smiles and delicious smells. Crickets, a strange language, weird food. I feel like engaging in a new world, for the sake of my neurons. At times I feel like they’re shrinking and, in a way, I would like to create ‘new’ ones or save the ones that still can be saved.
At the same time I find it difficult to say goodbye to the known. I’ve actually had a great time the past few months. Leaving now wasn’t exactly something I planned for around this time, due to the start of school the coming year, I felt like I didn’t really have any choice but to leave now. If I wouldn’t leave now, it will probably take me a long time before I would. And that would be a long wait, especially now that I have the freedom and time to travel, I just took it as a logical choice.
With having no one to join me, it took some time to decide whether to do this by myself. It’s just different to travel by yourself rather than with company. With fear holding me back, and doubt trying to reconsider my decision, I just said ‘the hell with it, gotsta do what I gotsta do’. And so I did. The thing that I realized was that different from the known doesn’t necessarily mean any less, au contraire I believe it to be much more. And this time, it’s just me, no one else, I already consider it to be a special trip.
In this world it’s impossible to do something merely for your own entertainment. When the word is out, it’s out. And it will lead its own life. People reflect their own feelings, thoughts and wishes on your idea/goal/interest/etc. Something I’ve always found annoying. It’s not like I’m mysterious, it’s more that I don’t want to share anything, except for the people I feel close to, people that I convey in, because I trust them, and they trust me. There aren’t many. Just 2 or 3. That’s more than enough. The others, are just others. They only seem to be interested in their own story, which is fine, I’m down with that. But I find it odd when I’m here trying to write my story, and they seem to reflect their story on mine, which doesn’t make any sense, because all that they are interested in is their own story.
I know I shouldn’t even turn my head for this, but it’s something I seem to recognize in so many others. When someone comes up to me with their next plan or goal of interest, I can’t help but to applaud them into realizing their goal. I’m totally on their sides when it comes to fulfilling their wishes. It’s just beautiful. So I applaud each and everyone who’s trying to realizing any goal. Any personal that is. Authenticity and Modesty still are key to every step.
"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."